While I'm Waiting...

While I'm Waiting...
by Audrea Vann Medina on Thursday, August 19, 2010 at 10:08pm

There are three words that come to mind every day lately; I've even written about them. Waiting, control, and faith.

Every day that passes where we don't hear something about the coming transplant, I feel impatient, for I dislike WAITING, especially when we were told to expect news within a week or two of leaving the hospital. I've been home exactly two weeks today, and I feel like a race horse 'chomping at the bit' except I have no CONTROL over when the gates open for the derby. That's in someone else's hands.

Control, for most of us, is a daily struggle. We aim for control in our work environment, home life, and especially in our relationships...perhaps even without realizing it. I am reminded of the arguments Jeff and I have, and they're usually a result over an issue where we both want to exert our control and conflict ensues when we want different things and neither of us will humbly give up our desires for the other. A very wise man once told Jeff that arguments/fights/marital discourse arise when one person wants something so bad, he/she is willing to sin to get it. That really resonated with me when Jeff shared it, and often, when I feel tension arising between us or I snap out an ungodly response, I try to stop and ask myself "what is it that I want so bad I'm willing to sin, even against the man I am sworn to love forever, to get it?" Now, honestly, that doesn't happen all the time, but when I remember WHO is in control of my life (Jesus Christ) and that I am a Spirit-controlled person, I am usually very easily shamed by my own behavior and able to be quickly reconciled with my husband.

In this waiting-game instance, I can't even sin against the parties involved because I'm too far removed from them. But, the tension I feel and the impatience that's teasing my mind, tells me I need to start asking myself if I want a transplant so badly that I'd be willing to sin to get it. My flesh cries out "yes, I want it and I want it bad and I want it now because I'm so sick of having diarrhea every time I turn around and I'm sick of the nausea I've started feeling..." and on and on with my physical complaints. But the Holy Spirit, (and since I am a Christian, I am bound to listen) tells me to be patient and to TRUST the one who brought me back from an early grave. He's already proved faithful. It is natural, for those of us who are Christians, to respond in a way that honors God; it is unnatural not to. I am weak, though, and my flesh and spirit do battle daily.

Therein lies the crux of the matter. I am a spiritual being trapped in flesh, and the Devil seeks to destroy me. He is intimately acquainted with my weaknesses, and Scripture tells us he is wily and crafty and will stop at nothing to destroy me because of his hatred for God. Destroying each of us by way of unreconcilable rifts with spouses which lead to divorce, bitterness toward another, selfishness, rage, sexual immorality, envy, and all the other things found in Galatians 5:19-21 merely serve to give God a bad name among those who do not believe.

The antidote: God's Word steeped in our hearts so that we have the ability to break those enslaving chains from our lives. I need more of God's Word to combat these daily mental battles I'm struggling with, and I would dare to suggest that you do, too.

I want to live freely, unhindered by sin and being a slave to it. Galatians 5:1 tells us that "it is for freedom that Christ has set us free...and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery" so that tells us that Christ himself already understood our battle and addresses it. I want to live unhindered by my sin so that I can concentrate on others, helping others, and ultimately bearing fruit for God's kingdom. I don't want to dishonor God's name, since I bear it; I want to bring him the most honor that I can.

So now I can wait knowing the control I desire rests in God's hands, and he will be faithful to provide my transplant in His time (as some of you have already reminded me) and not my own. Grant me patience, Lord, in this time of waiting.



******

(Note from Alex: Check out John Waller's "I'm Waiting" http://s0.ilike.com/play#John+Waller:While+I'm+Waiting:27366956:s4108002.11496333.5960458.0.2.117%2Cstd_07a3480b0e944f348a7ca3d0995db75c)

Interestingly enough, John is from Fayetteville, Georgia and worked at the Chick-fil-A Dwarf House. Audrea also worked there. See http://www.johnwallermusic.com/index.php.